She shielded her eyes from the memory, feeling heavier as her head sunk into the resulting darkness. How many days had passed since he had gone? How many more would she have to endure? Not knowing why, but feeling the need to escape the thickness of rapidly congealing memories, she pounded out into the winter night. Pulling her feet through the snow, her pants soaked up the ice and snow that clung to her and melted. Though the frigidness snaked up her leg with every step, the ice she felt settling around her heart was colder.

Was this the girl who had, months before, thought herself likely to die from happiness as she watched the sun rise in his eyes? She, who catted endlessly with the blue-eyed boy - who gamed and cajoled and teased, and felt her heart flutter with life just because he was near? They could hardly be the same person, she decided. Yet, try as she might to accept the hand fate had dealt, it was the girl with icy legs that seemed the phantom to her.

Shivering mightily, she stopped suddenly, planting her feet and flinging her head skyward.

"Is this the world?" She screamed, a world apart from the scurrying footsteps of the city. In her grief, her intensity, her vulnerability, she believed that, if she wanted it that badly  - perhaps if she loved him desperately enough - that she would be rewarded with his warm arms. Her only reply was the solid clicks of her own chattering teeth.

"Is this all you've left me?"

Her words were now strangled by a thick knot in her throat - and instead of trying to yell, she began to sob. Steaming tears flowed freely now, becoming her only source of warmth after surrendering to the cold.

The hall materialized before her, and only when she was back within her room of memories did she fully realize that she had survived the cold. She felt sticky now, and heavy under all the water that had soaked beneath her skin. Thinking of nothing else but her own desire to permanently freeze, she stood as still as she could, her eyes drifting in and out of focus.

Until she saw him - the picture of him - his electric smile shining at her from beyond the grave. He looked so real, still so alive, there in that frame, where time, like the ice outside, could freeze a life forever. She knew that smile - she knew every inch of it, the taste, how to make it appear - and though she had not thought herself capable a moment before, the smile that lit up her own face was one of quivering eyes, searing tears, but also something she recognized as hope.

She dried herself off and climbed into bed, wishing to stay forever in the dream where he was - pleading for unconsciousness to break the barriers of life and love and bring his arms around her. Not for long - she realized - not for long, but for now. Only until she was strong enough to sleep on her own. The tears that stained her pillow had melted from the ice inside.